According to Director Reed McReynolds, a junior at Texas A&M, The Big Event is a thank-you to the communities of College Station and neighboring Bryan.

“We take up their roads, we take up their restaurants, we make a lot of traffic and congestion… [so] it’s a really cool way for us to bridge that gap and put a name to a face,” he says. “Yes, we are college students, and we do take up a lot of this city. But we’re here to give back, and we do want to have genuine relationships… so it’s a really good way for the university to partner with the community.”

Since The Big Event was founded in 1982 by Joe Nussbaum, the service project has expanded to 130 events around the nation as students at other universities and high schools have followed Texas A&M’s blueprint. Here’s a closer look at those who have started these nationwide Big Events (and how you can follow in their footsteps):

College students giving back to the community​

For more than 40 years, The Big Event has united the student body and allowed them to connect with full-time residents of Bryan and College Station. The volunteer day embodies all six Aggie core values, but it’s selfless service that takes center stage. With tools in hand, students leave campus and do all types of jobs—such as yard work, window washing, cleaning and painting—for both residential and nonprofit property owners in the community who need a helping hand. 

Although the tangible benefits of property upkeep are undeniable, McReynolds says that one of the “coolest things” about The Big Event is the connection college students make with residents. “People who go and volunteer at these houses.… They make friends with these people,” he says. “Then people request [those same students] the next year to come back.”

To participate, residents file requests for help and student volunteers through The Big Event website. They are then contacted by a staff assistant, who visits the property to meet the owner, document the scope of the job and determine the types of tools that will be needed. In 2025, 17,118 students served 2,374 residents. 

It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers and the magnitude of the event, but selfless service truly shines in the personal interactions this event leads to, leaving a lasting impact on residents and students alike. 

For instance, Associate Director Leila Chang, a senior at Texas A&M, says she bonded with a resident two years ago who she still keeps in touch with today. Chang visited the resident the day before The Big Event to make sure everything was ready for volunteers, and they ended up chatting for more than an hour about plants and the homeowner’s cat.

“I ended up… getting to know her and listen[ed] to her story,” Chang says. “She showed me a lot of pictures of her and her family, and I ended up cat-sitting for her that next month…. It’s those little things that really have that impact on the community, and so I’m grateful for that experience.”  

Spreading student community service nationwide

Mike Hays, a counselor in Texas’ Northwest Independent School District and a 1996 graduate of Texas A&M, brought The Big Event to Northwest High School in 2013. He says that at that time, there was a push for service leadership in public school systems, and he knew that a volunteer program based on The Big Event would provide that type of experience for students.  

“The unity and being like-minded on a project that big is really cool,” he says, “[and] that’s something that also moved me, so I wanted to bring it to the kids.”

According to Hays, NHS’ first Big Event drew more than 1,000 student volunteers, and they completed 30 projects, the bulk of which were for elderly residents who needed help with yard work and cleaning up their properties.

His eldest daughter, Abby Richardson, who volunteered at the Northwest event as a young girl, was inspired as a teenager to start The Big Event at her high school, and later at the college she attended. “When I first heard about The Big Event, even at 11, I was immediately obsessed with it and loved the idea of going out and serving the community,” she says.

Richardson says that her main goal when planning each event was to focus on the people they served. “We wanted the people we were serving to think, ‘Wow, we can’t believe those kids just did that,’” she says. “One year, we moved a boat out of someone’s yard, and the kids pulled weeds and took out brush. It looked like a whole different yard when we were done.” She also recalls celebrating a resident’s 99^th birthday while on-site to clean up her yard. “She had on a sash and tiara,” she adds, “and she was just so happy… to have all these students in her home.”

According to Richardson, “anybody can make a Big Event happen. If you’re excited and passionate about the work that’s being done, you can do it. There are resources out there. Find someone in a position of authority [if you’re a student], or if you’re in a position of authority, find a student and figure out how you can make it happen together.”

Richardson hopes to one day found her third Big Event at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Kansas City, Missouri, where she serves as assistant director of events.  

How to start a Big Event community project

Chang says that the various Big Events held across the country are unique and aren’t regulated or managed by Texas A&M. Instead, they’re inspired by A&M’s effort and are united by the One Big Thanks Conference, which is held annually to motivate and train students to lead events at their respective campuses.

While The Big Event originated as a student-led project, there’s no reason a corporation or business couldn’t lead a similar project in their respective communities, using A&M’s template. If you’re looking to do so, McReynolds suggests starting small and taking the time to get to know those you’ll be helping.

“Focus deeply on the connection before you do the service,” he says. “If you can start with five or six homes and really get to know [the] people in those homes, then that’s how you get traction and really start to build something that’s really meaningful.”

Matt Anderson, faculty and primary adviser for The Big Event, adds that if it’s difficult to find residents or specific properties to serve, you should reach out to local community centers or nonprofit organizations for assistance. “They really appreciate that help, as well as the residents,” he says.

Here are some other tips to get you started:

• Get the support of community leaders.
• Publicize the event to recruit volunteers and secure donations.
• Start accumulating tools early.
• Arrange transportation for people and tools to job sites.

McReynolds says that his goals for A&M’s 2026 event include gathering 1,000–2,000 more volunteers and partnering with 500–1,000 more residents. He and Chang are also working to boost internal relations among their team.

“We want to make sure everyone is known and seen and feels like they have a part and can learn from The Big Event,” McReynolds says. 

“It’s been cool to see how one man’s vision to serve the community has turned into a lasting legacy at the Texas A&M campus,” he continues, “where we get to live out one of our core values of selfless service.”

Photo by Hannah Busing/Unsplash.com

The post The Big Event: Serving Communities Nationwide (and How You Can Too) appeared first on SUCCESS.

Age gaps in friendships can offer so many benefits. Doing life with older friends can enhance emotional well-being and cognitive function. Spending quality time with older adults can also boost empathy, patience and communication skills—traits that are valuable across all areas of life. Age-difference friendships help break down generational barriers, encouraging mutual respect and understanding.

And—the benefits can go both ways. When older adults spend time with younger friends, some studies suggest that these diverse friendship groups can improve physical and mental health. Some even report feeling more satisfied with the aging process. Let’s explore some of the key benefits of these unique friendships. 

Lessons In Integrity From Intergenerational Friendships

The value of friendship isn’t determined by age, and age differences in friendships can have unique benefits. One of the greatest benefits of age-gap friendships is the chance to learn from others’ strong sense of integrity and authenticity. Older adults often carry a lifetime of experiences shaped by resilience, hard work and perseverance. Their stories of overcoming adversity can provide valuable insights into how to live with honesty and uphold strong moral values.

Fun fact: Intergenerational friendships may be more common than you might think. According to an AARP survey, 4 out of 10 adults (37%) have a friend 15 years older or younger than themselves. 

Age-Gap Friendships Can Help Us Stay True To Ourselves

How about Judy, a high school English teacher, and lover of Shakespeare, feminism and unicorns when none of those were quite in vogue. Judy never downplayed her passions to seem “cool.” Not only was Judy rewarded with the respect of adults and students, she was free of the angst that comes from trying to be what you’re not. 

Meeting a friend like Judy could help you stay true to yourself. Judy might love learning new things and sharing her experiences with a younger person who shares her interests. 

Older Friends Can Teach Us To Be Courageous Examples 

Courage doesn’t have an age limit. Consider the tale of a grandmother who started her own business at a time when female entrepreneurs were rare. Her dedication to her craft and refusal to compromise her principles can inspire younger generations to lead with authenticity and courage. 

Another example is an elderly war veteran whose unwavering moral compass helped guide others through challenging times. These stories remind us of the enduring importance of integrity in shaping character and making principled decisions—even when faced with difficulties. 

Older Generations Inspire Responsibility And Accountability

Integrity lessons from older generations also encourage responsibility and accountability. Many elders share anecdotes that highlight the value of keeping one’s word, being honest and leading with compassion. These lessons often serve as guiding principles for younger individuals navigating personal and professional challenges.

Cross-Age Friendships Can Foster Empathy And Understanding 

On the flip side, older friends can benefit from the recent knowledge and perspectives of their younger friends as well. For example, an older friend may have been brought up with gender-specific expectations, lack of emotional regulation and the mantra that kids should be “seen and not heard.” Younger generations are more apt to know and use empathetic conversation models. They have a different concept of gender and an openness and appreciation for differences and beliefs that weren’t as prevalent in generations past. 

Discovering Gratitude Through Time With Older Friends

Another joy of spending time with older generations is discovering the power of gratitude. Many elders possess a deep appreciation for life’s simple pleasures, from a walk in nature to a shared meal with loved ones. Their gratitude often stems from a lifetime of experiences. These may have been both joyful and challenging—and taught them to cherish what truly matters.

Making The Most Out Of Ordinary Moments

Take the example of Ruth, a widow in her early 80s, living 1,400 miles from her nearest family. It couldn’t have been an easy life, but she seemed to relish every minute of her day. “Devil get behind me!” she would crow in her Oklahoma twang, serving bowls of tapioca pudding and enthusiastic recaps of errands she had run. She was purposely doling out Jedi secrets: how to be thankful for and make the most of ordinary moments.

Embracing Simple Joys 

Or consider the retired teacher who reflects on her decades spent shaping young minds. Her gratitude for simple joys—like witnessing a student’s breakthrough or sharing a laugh with a colleague—can encourage younger individuals to appreciate their own daily victories. These moments of shared reflection are sometimes found uniquely in intergenerational friendships. They can foster deeper connections and reinforce the importance of gratitude in everyday life.

Learning To Pause And Appreciate The Present

Engaging with elders can remind younger generations to pause and appreciate the present moment. A conversation with an older friend about family traditions or childhood memories can inspire a renewed sense of thankfulness for life’s small, meaningful moments.

Research suggests that practicing gratitude improves mental health, reduces stress and increases happiness. Cultivating age-gap friendships often naturally encourages gratitude by highlighting the beauty of shared experiences, family bonds and life’s fleeting moments.

Curiosity And Growth: Lifelong Lessons Found In Age-Gap Friendships

Age gaps in friendships can also foster curiosity and personal growth. Elders often have a wealth of knowledge and stories that spark curiosity. This might encourage younger individuals to ask questions, explore new ideas and think deeply. 

And the road goes both ways—younger counterparts have information and ideas they can share with their more mature friends too. 

Cross-Age Friendships Can Give A New Take On History 

Learning about historical events from someone who lived through them offers a personal connection to history that textbooks can’t replicate. These interactions in intergenerational friendships can inspire lifelong learning and a desire to see the world through different lenses.

Older Friends Can Inspire Us To Pave Our Own Paths 

Consider the brilliantly funny poet, who right until the stroke that led to her death at 93, stayed up far into the night, every night, writing. Never mind other people’s belief that the old should be early birds. Her quirky hours worked for her, and she stuck with them—inadvertently shoring up a resolve to keep the habits that were right for her. 

In an age-gap friendship, this can inspire us to get past stereotypes or others’ expectations or assumptions. Instead, we can choose habits, routines, passions and lifestyles that work for us. 

Age-Difference Friendships Help Us See The Power Of Staying Surious 

Older generations also often demonstrate the value of staying curious and engaged, even in later stages of life. Many retirees take up new hobbies, pursue creative passions or engage in community activities. In an age-gap friendship, observing or joining in on their zest for life can inspire younger individuals to embrace continuous learning and personal development.

John, a retired writing professor, is a prolific nonfiction author still exploring new subjects in his 80s. It would be hard to miss the link between his vitality and his bottomless fascination with the world. Ditto for Judy, who began studying the piano in her 70s. And let’s not forget Lucille. At an age when many people would be content to sit and watch the Weather Channel, she took up playwriting. It is not just any kind of playwriting either: historical playwriting, which requires both creativity and tons of research. While hanging out with friends, her unspoken motto seemed to be: Live as if you have all the time in the world—but also as if each day is your last.

These stories emphasize that growth doesn’t stop with age—it evolves and flourishes when nurtured by curiosity and determination. Whether it’s a five-, 10-, 15-year or greater age gap, intergenerational friendships can cultivate growth between both people. 

The Benefits Of Hanging Out With Older Generations

The benefits of having cross-age friendships can impact many areas of our lives. 

Connections To Better Mental And Physical Health

It’s no secret that community and relationships are important for our well-being. Harvard Health suggests that intergenerational friendships offer numerous benefits for both younger and older individuals. Henry Ford Health also suggests that spending time with elders can improve mental health, reduce feelings of loneliness and promote a greater sense of purpose.

Mutual Benefits And Support 

For younger people, these friendships provide valuable mentorship and life guidance. Older adults, on the other hand, benefit from increased social interaction and a sense of connection to younger generations. A 2023 study found that older adults who regularly interact with young people report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction.

Breaking Down Stereotypes And Building Bridges

Intergenerational friendships also combat ageism by fostering empathy and breaking down stereotypes. When people from different generations connect, they gain a deeper appreciation for each other’s experiences. This can bridge generational divides and promote mutual respect.

Powerful Exchange Of Skills And Knowledge 

Additionally, age-difference relationships encourage the exchange of skills and knowledge. While elders share life wisdom and historical insights, younger individuals can offer technological know-how or other knowledge. This can create a mutually beneficial relationship that fosters learning and growth on both sides. The benefits of having older friends extend beyond companionship—they provide opportunities for learning, growth and shared joy.

How To Build Age-Gap Friendships 

At the end of the day, age really is just a number. Connecting based on mutual interests, personalities, shared work interests or any number of commonalities can spark a friendship with someone of any age. 

Creating meaningful relationships with older adults, just like any friendship, requires intention and effort. Here are some practical ways to build these connections:

• Find shared interests: Discover hobbies or passions you both enjoy, such as gardening, cooking or reading.
• Listen actively: Show genuine interest in their stories and experiences.
• Plan regular meetups: Consistency helps strengthen bonds over time.
• Offer mutual support: Share your skills while learning from theirs—whether it’s teaching them new technology or learning traditional recipes from them.
• Join community programs: Volunteer at senior centers or participate in intergenerational initiatives to create organic opportunities for connection.
• Respect one another: Generational differences are real, so it’s important to have mutual respect. The parenting or cultural norms from years past may be very different from those of today.  
• Give your connection time: Just like any relationship, age-gap friendships may not develop overnight. Give your connection time to develop.  
• Let go of expectations: Sometimes we can get caught up in concepts of what a friendship “should” or “shouldn’t” look like. It’s OK for your intergenerational friendship to be unique and not look like anyone else’s. 

Establishing these relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, offering insights, emotional support and companionship. By investing time and effort into fostering these bonds, you’ll create meaningful experiences that enrich both of your lives.

Embracing The Joy Of Intergenerational Friendships

The pleasure of hanging out with older generations is rich and multifaceted. Here are some of the most meaningful takeaways:

1. Integrity: Older generations often exemplify authenticity, resilience and strong moral values. Their stories inspire us to lead with honesty and uphold our principles.
2. Gratitude: Spending time with elders teaches us to appreciate life’s simple pleasures and cultivate thankfulness for everyday moments.
3. Curiosity and growth: Elders show us the value of lifelong learning, encouraging curiosity and a commitment to personal development at any age.
4. Mutual understanding, support and connection: The benefits of intergenerational friendships go both ways. Spending time connecting can be fun and meaningful and can improve both physical and mental well-being. 

Fostering these age-gap friendships can enrich our lives with wisdom, new perspectives and joy. Embracing intergenerational friendships brings unique benefits and can help us create meaningful connections, learn new things and so much more. There’s no price or age limit on friendship. Consider getting out and making a new friend today, regardless of their age. 

FAQs About Age-Gap Friendships 

Why foster intergenerational friendships?

Spending time with older people often brings joy because of their wisdom, life stories and calming presence. Their experiences can offer fresh perspectives and valuable lessons, enriching personal growth.

Where should we visit?

Where you visit will primarily depend on your mutual interests, physical abilities and preferences. Unless there are health concerns or a friend is in a hospital or assisted living facility, you are free to visit anywhere you choose.

Where can I meet those interested in intergenerational friendships? 

Older adults often gather at community centers, libraries, parks, cafés and places of worship. These spaces provide opportunities for social interaction and engagement with others, fostering a sense of belonging and community.

What if I have trouble naturally making friends with older adults? 

Programs like senior companionship initiatives pair volunteers with elders to foster meaningful social interactions and alleviate feelings of loneliness. Since many older adults are retired and engage in volunteer work, volunteering can be another good opportunity to make friends with people of different ages. 

What are the benefits of intergenerational friendships for older adults?

Socializing can help prevent loneliness and depression, enhance cognitive function and improve overall well-being for older adults. It also encourages a sense of purpose and belonging, which can lead to improved physical health and increased longevity.

This article was updated March 2025. Photo by Alessandro Biascioli/iStock.

The post The Power of Intergenerational Friendships & Benefits Of Having Older Friends appeared first on SUCCESS.

In our previous life, I packed the lunches, planned all the things and booked all the trips for our family. I organized our luggage in the back of whatever broken-down car our gang could afford while raising my four sons as a single mom. The entirety of our life together hinged on me. While the boys relied on me in so many ways, I always thought of my usefulness as their mom like a clock ticking down to midnight. It terrified me.

But then came the chance to visit South Africa and bring along my adult son. He was newly married and happy—a good man. He was no longer my son first; he was his own person. I wanted him with me for this big experience—and to see if we could be something new to each other. Here is what I learned.

1. Let someone else plan everything

I would describe my vacation planning when my sons were younger as joyful efforts that never went quite right. Our car leaked oil on one road trip, and we suffered through numerous canceled flights. I lost count of how many bathing suits, bottles of sunscreen and sneakers were forgotten through the years… which was fine when my sons were young and in my care. Let’s be honest: they didn’t have much of a choice. But now Ben is grown, and I wanted to get it right. 

I called upon tour company Go2Africa to plan everything. They arranged our flights into Johannesburg and out of Cape Town a week later. They sent us detailed packing lists for our four days at Sabi Sabi Bush Lodge on safari and called me to ask questions about what we hoped to get out of our trip. I planned nothing, and it was like exhaling a breath I had been holding my entire adult life. I realized all those years of planning had kept me from being present. But letting someone else take the reins set Ben and me up as equals on this trip. We talked for hours, made eye contact and ate snacks prepared by other people. We were relaxed. A revelation.

2. Get comfortable in the back seat of his life

This trip was about more than seeing elephants, lions, giraffes and the bright pink sun setting over the wild bush. It was about meeting my son—the man he is now, instead of the boy I raised. We have always fallen back into our old habits when we’re together. When he comes home, I become a mom of a little boy again, trying desperately to recapture something that I now realize is gone for good. I cook his favorites from when he was little, and I tell stories of his childhood. We accidentally turn back into who we always were.

Out there in the bush, we found our new groove. We sat in chairs facing the watering hole and watched life happen. He told me about his job, his friends and his journalism course. We talked about podcasts we both liked, new music he discovered and politics. He slowly revealed himself to be someone I would call a friend, whether I had raised him or not.

He was braver than I was. During a night game drive, a female lion approached our vehicle. I am embarrassed to admit that, in a panic, I tried to climb over to his side of the Jeep. But he calmed me down. He also didn’t make me feel foolish when it became clear that the lioness was, in fact, not remotely interested in us. I saw the father he might someday become while we were out there. I saw how he treated others. Our guide Dion and tracker Bongi were both about Ben’s age, bright-faced, happy, open-hearted men. The three of them became such good friends that they nearly wept while saying goodbye. I saw who he has become to other people in the world, and everything inside me sighed.

3. Don’t get wrapped up in anyone else’s cliché

Ben was the first to notice the way people questioned us as a mother and son traveling together, and the assumptions they made. “If you were my dad or I was your daughter, people would think nothing of us going on safari together,” he pointed out. Several people told him he was very kind for traveling with me. Several others asked me if his wife was “OK” with us going away together. Every time I felt myself redden, and every time Ben reminded me, “This is not our problem.” What they think is none of our business, so we let it go in favor of enjoying our time together.

4. Say “yes” to everything

I didn’t always want to go on a game drive, but I said “yes” to be with Ben. I said “yes” to going to Boulders Beach to marvel at the penguins on a bus trip from Cape Town before we went home. I think about what I would have missed had I said “no.” I would not have seen the pink morning sky in the bush as we drank coffee together and watched the impala run. I would have missed out on the excellent fish and chips at the Time Out Market and the waves crashing against the Cape of Good Hope as we hiked up and around together. Saying “yes” to Ben taught me about myself: my tendency to retreat, to be the boss and not challenge myself fully. Saying “yes” reminded me that sometimes my son might know better than me. 

5. Become kids together

I became a child again with my son. This was perhaps the greatest treat of all, beyond the elephants and the hippos and the gorgeous dinners under the stars by roaring bonfires. Stripped of our old roles of caretaker and child, we became carefree. We delighted in every detail of our day, ready to take on an adventure. We tracked down wild dogs and hyenas, giraffes and hippos and elephants and rhinos from the back seat of the Jeep and got genuinely, deep-down excited about every sunset as though it was our first and last one ever. 

Everything was touched with magic because to us, everything was a surprise arranged by someone else, from the mosquito netting around our beds to the big pot of warm bread pudding and homemade ice cream after our dinner. We couldn’t eat enough food if we tried, bewitched by the smell of delicious things roasting and a roaring bonfire. We got giddy every morning. We never complained about the 5:30 a.m. wake-up because the world around us was fresh and new and full of wonder. 

He recognized, I think, the impermanence of this trip–a little jewel of time in our new lives together in a place full of magic. As we drove along the bumpy backroad to our flight out of Kruger National Park, Ben was quiet. He wore his sunglasses and watched the impala run across the quiet fields in the early morning sun. “I might never be here again,” he said quietly.

I looked at all of him then: the man he has become, the boy he once was and the future he’s building far away from me and all of this. And I thought, “Neither will I.”

Photo courtesy of Jennifer McGuire.

The post 5 Lessons a Single Mom Learned Traveling With Her Adult Son appeared first on SUCCESS.

For many Americans, the office isn’t just where they earn a living—it’s where they find community, identity and meaning. The problem? Work wasn’t designed to carry that weight. 

Experts say relying on the workplace as our default third space might be doing more harm than good, but a focus on community could reverse this trend. 

What are third spaces and why are they vanishing?

The term “third space” was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg to describe informal gathering places that exist outside of the home (first space) and work (second space). These spots–cafés, libraries, parks and pubs–serve as neutral zones where people of all backgrounds can connect and unwind. In many countries, third spaces are baked into daily life. 

Paris has its cafés. Seoul has its jjimjilbangs. Copenhagen has its corner coffee shops and design-forward public libraries. However, in the U.S., those spaces are becoming increasingly scarce. Zoning laws, car-centric infrastructure, rising rents and the privatization of public space have all chipped away at our third-space infrastructure. “We want to be insulated. We want to be in our little cocoon and not have that bigger interface,” says Brad Cornelius, a senior urban planner and vice president at Wade Trim Inc. “That’s where I think that change has happened.”

Why the office became America’s default third space

As traditional gathering spaces declined, the workplace filled that gap for many people—sometimes intentionally, often by default. Company lounges, lunchrooms and Slack threads became places for casual conversation. Work-sponsored outings replaced civic clubs. Even coworking spaces like WeWork positioned themselves as community hubs. Remote workers now find connection through digital coworking rooms and Slack channels. 

For many, it’s become the only consistent space for casual social interaction. “[People] build this whole identity around work as their third space, because if they can grow that space, they have a sense of self,” says Dr. Dominique Pritchett, a licensed therapist and organizational wellness consultant. “And so when that is in chaos, that’s where we see a lot of people struggle with crisis of identity.”

The risks of work as your third space

When connection and identity are tied to a paycheck, the sense of belonging becomes fragile. If a layoff, team reorganization or toxic dynamic enters the picture, the loss reverberates far beyond a professional setback. “If our third space is tied to work, that means the labor that we’re putting in is not just intellectual, physical—it’s emotional labor,” says Pritchett. “It can be so darn exhausting that [people] burn out. We see the lack of morale, the increased stress, lack of productivity—which all contradicts a place where we say we want to be included, belong and have community.”

Pritchett also warns against the language some organizations use to deepen this dependency —especially phrases like “we’re a family here.” While intended to promote unity, this type of language can blur the boundaries between professional obligations and personal identity. It subtly pressures employees to prioritize loyalty and emotional investment in ways that may not be reciprocated. “Employers—no, I know employers—need to be very mindful of creating that whole workplace family thing… That right there blurs the lines… belonging is controlled in that instance.”

What we’re losing when third spaces disappear

Third spaces have always played a bigger role than we give them credit for. They foster casual interactions between people who might not otherwise cross paths. They help neighbors become friends. They give rise to volunteer groups, book clubs and impromptu jam sessions. But these spaces are increasingly rare. “They don’t care about the larger community,” Cornelius says of many developers. “They care about getting the highest price, the highest return on whatever they’re building.” The result? Fewer accessible gathering places—and a public culture that prizes privacy over participation.

Rebuilding third spaces—one city (or neighborhood) at a time

Still, some cities are fighting back. “The best thing I think local governments can do to help turn that really is get back to this idea of investing in parks and open spaces and gathering,” Cornelius says. He points to a zoning overhaul in Citrus County, Florida, that now requires developers to include public gathering areas—privately owned but open to the public for events. “They’re not going to be the European plazas… but it will be open community, communal spaces.” 

He emphasizes the importance of reframing these requirements as good business: “I don’t sell it—‘Hey, this is a good planning thing.’ I sell it and say, ‘This is a good development thing and this will make your development more attractive.’”

Can individuals help recreate third spaces?

While governments shape policy, Cornelius believes people drive true community. “We just have to get those people out there, those leaders out there to be the ones that say, ‘Come, follow me. Let’s have this other place where we can get together as a community.’” He highlights the Royal neighborhood in Sumter County, Florida, a historically Black community that continues to thrive through regular gatherings in parks, churches and shared spaces. “They have a third space… They actually have more than one.”

Pritchett agrees and encourages people to look beyond digital connections. “We are so engulfed in technology that we forget what a third space can actually look like and feel like,” she says. “Going to your community events, going to spiritual spaces, back to barbershops… just getting back to something traditional.”

She also encourages a mindset shift: “Something that we can intrinsically do is redefine our sense of self-worth. So often we lead with, ‘Oh, what do you do?’ And that becomes our identity. So kind of doing some self-guidance or self-work to redefine your worth.”

As the boundaries between personal and professional lives continue to blur, it’s easy to let work stand in for everything else. But real community—the kind that sustains us through career shifts, personal changes and life transitions—needs space to breathe outside the office. Reclaiming third spaces doesn’t always require grand city planning or corporate strategy. It begins when someone decides to show up, to gather, to create room for connection with no strings attached. In doing so, we make space not just for others, but for ourselves.

Photo by Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

The post America Doesn’t Have Third Spaces—So We Turned to Work appeared first on SUCCESS.

Deciding when to leave a relationship can be tough. But there are a few common signs that suggest it might be time to think about ending it. These include a lack of trust, frequent conflict, lack of connection and core differences in your values or life goals. Self-reflection and advice from people you trust can help you make the decision, but remember to trust your intuition and keep your well-being top of mind. 

In the movies, it’s often obvious to us (the audience) when the main character needs to move on from their love interest. We may even find ourselves yelling at the TV, telling them to pack their bags and never look back. 

But once again, Hollywood fails to mimic reality. In real life, when it’s you who’s deep in the trenches of romantic emotions, it can be much harder to know when to leave a relationship. 

Deciding to break up with your partner is never easy. It’s natural to feel emotionally confused, guilty or uneasy about walking away from something you’ve invested so much time into. You may even question if you’re making the right decision and fear having regrets in the future. 

This mental tug-of-war of “should I stay or should I go” is more common than you think. This article is here to offer you some expert-backed guidance and support. In the sections below, we’ll walk you through clear signs that it’s time to call it quits in your relationship, as well as important questions to ask yourself in order to gain clarity. 

How to Know When to Break Up With Someone

When the question of “Should I break up with my partner?” starts to rear its ugly head, there’s typically a deeper reason why. You may have a gut feeling that things are off, or maybe you’ve observed some patterns or behaviors that don’t align with your expectations of an ideal mate. Before coming to a definitive decision, there are steps you can take to determine if it’s:

a) Something you can work through

b) A rough patch

c) Simply a bad match 

Consider the Root Issues 

First, get to the root of the problem to find out if it’s something that can be fixed. Do you have disagreements about household responsibilities or spending? Does work stress get in the way of your connection? Are the opinions of others influencing your relationship? 

According to The Gottman Institute, 31% of relationship problems are solvable, meaning they have a clear solution. The other 69% are labeled as perpetual problems, or more fundamental differences that need to be managed rather than solved. 

In a healthy relationship that’s built to last, you and your partner will understand that it’s the two of you against these problems, not each other. No two people are exactly the same, so arguments and points of contention are bound to come up. But successful couples will learn to compromise and manage their issues in an effective way through proper communication and mutual respect. 

Identify Deal Breakers 

Deal breakers are another aspect of knowing when to leave a relationship. While examining your connection a little bit closer, you may find that the challenges you’re facing are not only unsolvable but also larger deal breakers. These are the characteristics, values or behaviors found in your relationship—or missing in your relationship—that you are unwilling to negotiate on. 

They could be indications that the two of you are likely incompatible in the long term, even if you still love one another.  

Related: This Is the Secret to a Healthy Relationship

11 Potential Signs It’s Time to End a Relationship

There are some specific behaviors and patterns that are relationship red flags. These include things like infidelity, contempt or any form of abuse. But there are also more subtle signals that you’re not aligned as a couple and that you may be trying to force something that just isn’t there—like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. 

Whether it’s the presence of problems that set off major alarm bells or persistent feelings of disconnect, both point to the same difficult truth: Your relationship may not be repairable. If you’re questioning where you stand, here are some possible signs it’s time to break up: 

Lack of Trust

Trust is the lifeblood of a relationship. It simply can’t survive without it. So, regardless of whether trust was broken because of cheating, dishonesty, a betrayal of boundaries or a lack of transparency, this could spell the end for you and your partner.

Repeated or Excessive Arguments

Small tiffs and fights will happen in any relationship. However, if you and your partner have frequent or constant confrontations (even small things like whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher), it could be indicative of a larger problem. The same could be true of arguing about the same things over and over with no resolution. You may find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid these heated disputes. 

Feeling Unheard or Unimportant

If your communication has broken down to the point where you feel like you can’t express your feelings, it could be a sign things aren’t working out. If your partner dismisses your thoughts and feelings, gives you the silent treatment or does nothing to change their behavior, those could also be signs to think about ending the relationship. 

Emotional Disconnect

Maybe that initial spark is gone and you’re experiencing a lack of intimacy, physically and emotionally. Perhaps you don’t align on a deeper level and don’t feel comfortable completely opening up, causing all your conversations to be more surface-level. You may need to think about ending things and getting your emotional needs met elsewhere. 

Criticism or Contempt

If there’s a pattern of nagging or constant criticism in your relationship, it’s a warning sign. In addition, the presence of contempt is a major predictor of relationship failure, according to The Gottman Institute. This includes acts like name-calling, belittling language, eye rolling, denying affection or any other behaviors that show someone feels a sense of superiority over their partner or thinks they are unworthy of respect. 

Differing Life Goals

You don’t align on core values or don’t agree on major topics like kids, finances, faith or lifestyle. Your partner might not support your career or celebrate your wins with you. These issues may make it hard for you to imagine a future with them.

Lack of Growth or Feeling Stuck

Your relationship and you as an individual have become stagnant. You’re not progressing in your connection or getting closer to next steps like moving in together or getting engaged. You’re additionally not helping each other to become better, more successful people in your careers and in life in general.

A Cycle of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together

If you’ve already thrown in the towel once, or even several times before, but decided to give it another chance, it may be time to reflect on whether or not you actually make a good couple or if you’re falling back on old habits because of loneliness, unresolved feelings or simply because it’s comfortable. 

Feeling Drained or More Anxious Than at Peace

The balance is off between feeling happy or content in your relationship and feeling uncomfortable. Interactions with your partner drain you rather than give you energy or encouragement. Or, you may constantly feel uneasy around them or when you think of your future together. 

You’re Giving Up Too Much

It feels like you’re the only one making sacrifices in your relationship. Arguments always lead to you giving in, or you find yourself minimizing your own wants and needs to make them happy.

Emotional or Physical Abuse

Any kind of physical violence is a sign that you need to leave immediately. The same goes for emotional or mental abuse, such as manipulation, possessive behavior, isolation, gaslighting or humiliating you in front of others.

Important note: If you have concerns about any type of abuse, there are resources and organizations available to help. Reach out to get support from a source such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence or the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health.

Should I Break Up With My Partner? Questions to Ask Yourself

Deciding if and when to end a relationship involves a great deal of considering your partner’s qualities, traits, efforts and shortcomings. But it’s important to take a closer look at yourself as well. A bit of introspection can help you determine exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship, what you need to feel fulfilled and how your own actions or choices may be affecting your connection. 

Ask yourself the following questions honestly to better understand what your next move should be: 

• “Have I clearly communicated what I need?” 
• “Do I take my partner’s feelings and needs into consideration?” 
• “Is my partner willing to make changes to make it work?” 
• “Are we both genuinely rooting for each other?” 
• “Am I happy more often than not?”
• “Do I feel safe and secure in this relationship?” 
• “Do we bring out the best in each other?” 
• “Am I giving this relationship my all?”
• “Can I be completely honest and vulnerable with my partner and vice versa?”
• “Would I want my son or daughter to be with someone like them?” 
• “Am I proud to be seen with them?”
• “Are we heading in the same direction?” 
• “What does my partner add to my life and what do I add to theirs?”
• “Am I scared to move on and start over?” 

What to Do If You’re Still Unsure

Knowing when to leave a relationship is tough. Even when there are multiple signs steering you toward a breakup, you may still be hesitant to cut ties. 

Understand Your Situation 

Many people find themselves in this kind of mentally taxing relationship limbo. Sometimes, it seems like the easier route is to stay. Depending on how long you’ve been with your partner, your lives are likely intertwined. Perhaps you live together, are married, or even have kids together. There are also common fears that are associated with ending a relationship, like:

• Loneliness
• Regret
• Hurting your partner
• Financial concerns
• Being unable to find a new connection
• What others will think
• Losing mutual friends 

Practices to Help You Evaluate Your Relationship 

If you’re experiencing trepidation or uncertainty of any kind, there are a few different methods or practices you can try to put your mind at ease and make the best decision for you. As you’re considering when to leave a relationship, try these tips: 

• Journaling: Get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. This will help you reflect, process your emotions and even track patterns or progress. 
• Seeking advice from family or friends: Gain a new perspective on the situation from trusted people who you are close to and who have witnessed the two of you as a couple. 
• Talking to a therapist: Seek professional support to talk through your doubts and fears. Speaking to someone who can view the situation through an objective lens can give valuable insight. 
• Communicating with your partner: Be honest with your partner and listen to their side as well. Discuss your boundaries, concerns and options for a path forward. 
• Relationship coaching: Couples therapy or coaching can help you face your issues head-on and work together to find solutions with the help of an unbiased mediator.  
• Taking time apart: Give yourself room to analyze the situation from afar and be by yourself for a while. Make sure to establish clear expectations so you don’t end up with a Ross and Rachel “we were on a break” situation. 

When to Call It Quits in a Relationship and Move On

You can’t keep watering a dead flower. No matter how beautiful and promising a relationship was at the beginning, if it’s no longer serving you or meeting your needs, it’s likely time to let it go. 

When you’re questioning “When is it time for a divorce or breakup?”, it’s important to act rationally and carefully think through your decision. Be honest with yourself by asking the difficult questions. Identify the gaps and discrepancies in your relationship. Are they manageable or are they deal breakers? Trust your intuition and always prioritize your own health and well-being. 

Ending a relationship doesn’t equate to failure. In fact, walking away is often the most courageous decision you can make. It’s a choice that can lead to growth and discovery while bringing you closer to finding the loving and supportive partnership you’ve been searching for.

Photo courtesy of f.t.Photographer/Shutterstock

The post When to Leave a Relationship: Key Signs & Tips on Making the Decision to Move On  appeared first on SUCCESS.

But the emergent and exhausting situation I found myself in, taking care of both the older and younger generation, doesn’t have a term for how you feel like you might drown or explode at all. Instead, we’ve coined the phrase “sandwich moms.” Or, even cuter, Lauren Wittenberg Weiner, Ph.D., author and business therapist in Tampa, Florida, calls it the “panini generation.”

“The panini generation means pressures not just from above and below—parents and kids—but from all sides… I have two amazing kids, both of whom play competitive ice hockey (and frequently break themselves, on and off the ice),” she says. “My parents live down the street, and my mom has advanced Alzheimer’s. My dad has Parkinson’s, severe osteoporosis and glaucoma, which is a particularly bad combination of poor balance and sight, coupled with bones that are fragile, so he also breaks himself a lot.”

When forced to choose between work and caregiving, sandwich moms often make a tough sacrifice they shouldn’t have to: moving their career to the back burner, back seat or back of mind or, quitting altogether. 

According to a 2022 survey from Pew Research, 54% of Americans in their 40s have an aging parent 65 and older and also have a child they are raising or helping support. The Career Optimism Special Report Series: Moms in the Sandwich Generation from the University of Phoenix found that 59% of the sandwich moms surveyed felt that being a dual-caregiver held back their career. Additionally, 62% reported feeling that having a career while a dual-caregiver was a luxury. Sandwich moms also experienced higher levels of stress (59%) compared to non-sandwich moms (48%), along with frustration and isolation.

Role Strain

Many mental health experts will tell you one of the first secrets to understanding a phenomenon in your mind is to name it, and the same is true of sandwich moms. Dr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist in London shares the clinical term for that maxed out feeling is “role strain.” 

“[It’s] a state where competing demands keep the mind on standby even when the house feels calm. This background vigilance drains attention, heightens irritability and often leaves people wrestling with a steady sense of guilt because nothing ever feels fully done,” he says. “Simply naming these reactions helps; studies show caregivers who identify their stress response are more likely to ask a relative to step in for an evening or to use a brief adult day service, and these short breaks reduce the incidence of depressive symptoms.”

Glazer says this level of stress isn’t sustainable or without consequences — “prolonged stress reshapes the body.” He says sandwich moms struggle to fit in exercise, get a real night’s sleep (as they are in a hypervigilant state), rely on convenience foods and increase the risk of multiple conditions in the process. “Persistently elevated cortisol raises blood pressure, weakens immune surveillance and aggravates conditions such as migraine or diabetes,” he says. “It can be reversed when stress exposure falls and health routines improve, so a 20-minute walk or an uninterrupted lunch are therapeutic acts, not luxuries.”

Sandwich Momming Isn’t Cheap

If you feel like you’re draining your wallet in addition to your energy, it’s because you are. Grabbing those prescriptions for your parents, making sure your kid is signed up for sports or childcare and picking up fast food for yourself when you realize you haven’t eaten all day adds up.

The Career Optimism Special Report Series: Moms in the Sandwich Generation also found that 70% of sandwich moms use savings to pay for childcare and 47% reported they’d have to postpone their own retirement to support their parents and children. The survey found that 52% of sandwich moms’ paychecks go to caregiving costs, whereas 51% of sandwich moms report they’ve left their careers to handle caregiving responsibilities. 

The irony is it’s hard to support two generations if you have to scale back or quit your job, furthering that “role strain.” One of the ways some sandwich moms are preventing this cycle from repeating is preparing their own affairs so their children don’t have the same issue. 

“The care that our parents often need exceeds their income, and I have been lucky to be able to financially offset the difference needed to provide the required and necessary care needed,” says Cassie Zebisch-Schienle, founder of CMZPR, a PR and media relations firm in Los Angeles. “But I have taken the necessary steps to ensure that I don’t place my children in the same financial situation down the road. Long-term health care [insurance] is something many don’t think about until they need it and at that point, it is often too expensive to afford.” 

A Workplace Equipped for Sandwich Moms?

What would a workplace equipped to keep sandwich moms not only employed but successful look like? Leah Miller, a marketing strategist at Versys Media and a sandwich mom, knows. She has two young children under 10 and cares for her mother with dementia. “Juggling these personal responsibilities alongside a leadership role at a global digital agency has been the defining challenge of my career. In 2021, when my mother had a fall that briefly hospitalized her, I seriously considered stepping away from work,” she says.

But her team rallied around her, and even allowed for a change in how she structured her time, helping her get (all) her jobs done well without burning out. “I transitioned to a more project-based cadence, leaning on async collaboration and delegating execution-heavy work to trusted team leads,” she says.

She says finding balance is an hour-to-hour struggle. “Some days it’s 80% caregiving, 20% strategy. Other days, I’m leading client presentations while my toddler naps and my mom’s caregiver checks in,” she says. “Mental health is non-negotiable now; I have biweekly therapy sessions and I block out weekly no-call windows to recalibrate. I had to let go of perfectionism, and as I tell my clients, consistency outperforms intensity over time.”

Her team has even formally adapted policies to allow “flexible caregiver support,” she says, and she has changed how she leads others too—“more empathetically, more efficiently and with deeper boundaries.”

“Research on organizational psychology finds that flexible schedules and genuine remote work options improve retention among this sandwich generation, and employees who set transparent boundaries preserve both productivity and morale,” says Glazer.

If your workplace isn’t interested in a flexible schedule, it might be time to look for another company. For example, Elizabeth Miller, founder, speaker and caregiving coach at Happy Healthy Caregiver in Marietta, Georgia, first changed companies to one with less travel and more predictable scheduling requirements. Eventually, she resigned her corporate career, instead becoming a full-time entrepreneur as she cares for her brother with multiple disabilities and conditions.

Prioritizing ‘Micro-Investments’

Tell a sandwich mom she needs some “me” time and you’ll likely have her laughing at your misunderstanding of her situation. But, Weiner says, it is possible for moms to reclaim their own identity through “micro-investments.” 

“You are not simply the roles you play for others, and one of the priorities must be some time for yourself. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to plan a luxurious spa weekend with your girlfriends, although that would be heavenly,” she says. “Giving yourself time can be as simple as getting a coffee with someone in your life who needs nothing from you other than your company. Find those micro-investments in yourself and add them to your priority list.”

Examples might be: 

• Taking the long way home with a favorite drink and a podcast. 
• Buying or making yourself a meal that you can sit and eat while it’s still hot
• Scheduling a standing phone call with a friend to help you feel less irritable
• Breathing from your diaphragm, and making it a practice before heading into your house

Watch For Red Flags

Caregivers’ burnout, including physical and emotional tolls, is becoming more openly discussed. “One of the earliest danger signs is a feeling that your emotional range has flattened. You notice that joy, frustration and sadness register more as a muted buzz rather than a full experience, and you may catch yourself snapping with very little provocation,” Glazer says, adding it’s more than having a “bad week.” “The body often broadcasts its own warnings, such as frequent tension headaches, an irritable bowel that flares without dietary changes and a string of minor viral infections, which show that the autonomic nervous system is stuck in high gear while immune surveillance wanes.”

He hopes people noticing these patterns build “intentional recovery periods” into their calendars, including one weeknight off. “Protect it with the same firmness you would a medical appointment. 

“Recovery is rarely dramatic; it arrives through steady attention to mental, social and biological cues until the nervous system relearns a calmer baseline.”

Photo from fizkes/Shutterstock.com

The post Where’s the Help for ‘Sandwich Moms’?  appeared first on SUCCESS.

Even when we want to connect, our brains work against us. “Our brains prioritize efficiency,” Lichtenstein says. “We subconsciously deprioritize friendships because our cognitive load increases in our 30s.”

The result is emotional drift. It’s a slow, subtle sense of disconnect, even among longtime friends.

“We’re all stretched, just in very different directions. That’s where emotional drift sneaks in: When life pulls us into different lanes and no one says it out loud,” says Zoe Asher, a friendship and connection coach who has shared more than 250 meals with strangers to understand how adult friendship works.

The science behind the struggle

Sometimes, friendships can feel hard to maintain, but building meaningful relationships takes more time than most people realize. Research from the University of Kansas found that it takes approximately 90 hours to move from acquaintance to friend and over 200 hours to develop a close friendship. With the busy schedules that come with adulthood, finding that much time can feel impossible. 

Emotional drift often intensifies during major life transitions as our lifestyles and careers diverge from those of our friends. Asher noticed it when her friends began having children while she remained focused on building her business. But life changes aren’t the only culprit. Our communication habits have fundamentally shifted too. We spend so much time on screens, feeling connected to others without actually being connected to them. 

What deep connection looks like

Kate Terentieva, an Atlanta-based creative director who developed the conversation game Off the Record, says that in her research, she found that people often didn’t know how to move past small talk to achieve a deeper connection. Instead, many adults fall into a loop of life updates and surface-level questions. Asher recommends skipping generic questions like “How’s work?” or “What have you been up to?” which she describes as “super-sized versions of ‘How are you?’”

Instead, she suggests asking questions that bring you in the present moment of who they are and where they’re at—questions like: “What’s been unexpectedly life-giving lately?” “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot recently?” or “What’s one thing that’s bringing you joy or just keeping you sane?”

Asher remembers fearing things would change once her friends started having kids. “And that was true. They did. But what I’ve learned is change doesn’t have to mean ending. It can mean rebirth. A new rhythm. A deeper kind of intentionality.” 

She continues that the turning point for her friendships was choosing to have a hard conversation. “It felt risky to name the shift and be honest about what I was feeling. But that one conversation made space for both of us to say, ‘OK, how do we want this friendship to work now?’ And that changed everything.”

Consistency matters too. “Closeness grows through consistency,” says Aerial Cetnar, Ph.D., a licensed therapist and founder of Boulder Therapy & Wellness. “So check in often, even if it’s just a meme or a voice note. Friendship in adulthood isn’t about constant contact but about showing up when it counts.”

Tools that move us beyond small talk

Terentieva never set out to become an expert on human connection. As a creative director in the advertising industry, she was simply trying to do her job: understand clients well enough to effectively sell their products.

“And in order to do that successfully, I need to understand what is the core mission, what is the vision, and you can get only so far by asking things directly about their business,” Terentieva says. 

So, she began asking more probing questions. Over time, she collected hundreds of them in her phone’s Notes app. Clients began to notice that the questions weren’t just helping them understand the brand better. It was also bringing them together. She was being invited to weddings and personal celebrations. 

After noticing how often her questions deepened conversations with clients, Terentieva developed Off the Record, a card game designed to help adults move past small talk and reconnect on a deeper level.

“It’s a tool that helps people create the habit of being able to start with small talk, which is where we’re all comfortable with, and then seamlessly transition into deeper conversation,” she explains. Each card contains two related questions: “The top question starts the conversation, and the bottom question is a follow-up to that same topic.”

What sets Off the Record apart is that it’s meant to be temporary. “The average player will go through about four to five cards before feeling completely comfortable to push the game entirely aside and hold a conversation on their own,” Terentieva says. “And that’s the point. I don’t want people to feel like they have to rely on Off the Record in order to feed the conversation.”

Other popular decks include We’re Not Really Strangers, The And, and Where Should We Begin? by Esther Perel. While each has a slightly different angle (emotional intimacy, storytelling, self-reflection), the goal is the same: to make the deeper conversations feel more accessible.

Rebuilding connection

Reconnection doesn’t require a dramatic reset. Often, it’s just about reaching out with clarity and intention. Lichtenstein recommends sending a low-pressure message about a shared memory without the need to overexplain the lapse in communication. Asher recommends adding a time frame: “Do you have any time for us to grab lunch or (insert activity of choice if they live locally) within the next three weeks?”

But not every friendship will return to what it once was. And that’s OK. “Don’t try to microwave closeness,” Asher says. “Reconnection doesn’t happen in a single coffee date or perfectly timed text. It’s not about a dramatic heart-to-heart. It’s about consistent, small reps that rebuild trust.”

Building and rebuilding friendships in adulthood may not be easy, but it’s worth it. Research consistently shows that strong friendships improve our quality of life and our mental and physical health. They also can reduce stress and increase longevity.

“Most friendships don’t end with a big fight,” Asher says. “They just drift when no one makes the move to adapt. But a friendship that feels distant is often just one honest conversation away from a second wind.”

Photo by Andrii Nekrasov/Shutterstock

The post Why Adult Friendships Fade and How to Bring Yours Back to Life appeared first on SUCCESS.

First, let’s think about it in the scenario of welcoming someone new to sit at your lunch table. Sure, they were “included”, but were they able to actively take part in the conversation? Did a lack of background knowledge make it difficult for them to keep up? Were others judging them for the food they brought? Did they feel respected and as though their thoughts and opinions mattered? 

Genuine inclusion allows everyone to authentically participate in their communities. It removes stigmas and embraces everyone, no matter where they came from or how they identify. It doesn’t just provide equal access or opportunities, but gives people the access and support they need.  

This type of inclusion is an integral part of life—it’s essential in our education systems, workplaces in the form of DEIB (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging) initiatives, local communities and beyond. Quotes about inclusion and diversity remind us just how important inclusivity is and how it benefits us all at the end of the day. 

Quotes About Diversity and Inclusion to Embrace Our Differences 

No two individuals are exactly alike. People from various religions, ethnic backgrounds, genders, sexual orientations and walks of life make up our world. This is known as diversity. And it’s not enough to simply recognize that these differences exist. We need to celebrate them. We need to create an environment where all can feel valued and respected, where everyone is treated fairly and given a seat at the table. This is true inclusion.  

We have so much to learn and gain from people who don’t think the same way that we do. And when everyone contributes to society without fear, judgment or marginalization, we all win. The following phrases about diversity and inclusivity remind us of this truth and the beauty that can come from embracing our differences. 

• “We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing and inclusion.” —Max De Pree, Leadership is an Art
• “We are greater than, and greater for, the sum of us.” —Heather McGhee, The Sum of Us
• “Isn’t it amazing that we are all made in God’s image, and yet there is so much diversity among his people?” —Desmond Tutu
• “Our diversity of faith and color and creeds—that is not a threat to who we are. It makes us who we are.” —Michelle Obama
• “We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter their color; equal in importance no matter their texture.” —Maya Angelou, Rainbow in the Cloud

• “Our potential is only reached when the full diversity of all those that make up our communities is celebrated.” —Stuart Milk
• “And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.” —John F. Kennedy
• “You don’t have true freedom until you allow a diversity of opinion and a diversity of voices.” —Don Lemon

Related: 60+ Empathy Quotes to Inspire Understanding, Connection and Compassion

DEIB Quotes to Foster a Caring Workplace Environment 

Incorporating diversity and inclusion in the workplace is critical, and inclusion sayings can remind us of why. 

DEI and DEIB at a Glance

In a workplace setting, you may have heard the acronyms DEI or DEIB. In fact, your company may even have a department dedicated to these initiatives. DEI stands for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. More recently, Belonging was also brought into the fold as a key addition. 

Companies, universities and other organizations use this framework to ensure that all employees have fair access to opportunities and resources, regardless of things like race, gender, age, parental status or disabilities. But it runs even deeper than that. It can incorporate everything from diverse hiring practices and cultural celebrations to representation in leadership and company-wide training. It can encompass many approaches that help all employees to feel accepted, safe, supported and set up to thrive. 

Diversity and Inclusion Sayings for the Workplace

Diversity and inclusion quotes for the workplace further explain the importance of this top-down approach. 

• “D&I needs to be something that every single employee at the company has a stake in.” —Bo Young Lee
• “Without women’s full inclusion at the decision making table, we cannot have any healthy decision making that is good for men and women alike.” —Zainab Salbi
• “Diversity and inclusion are always something industries should strive for.” —Halima Aden

• “When we’re talking about diversity, it’s not a box to check. It is a reality that should be deeply felt and held and valued by all of us.” —Ava DuVernay
• “Corporate social responsibility is measured in terms of businesses improving conditions for their employees, shareholders, communities and environment. But moral responsibility goes further, reflecting the need for corporations to address fundamental ethical issues such as inclusion, dignity and equality.” —Klaus Schwab
• “When we listen and celebrate what is both common and different, we become a wiser, more inclusive and better organization.” —Pat Wadors
• “If you don’t have an inclusive, diverse workforce, it makes you myopic.” —Renee James
• “We’re supposed to be bringing out-of-the-box thinking and innovation, and you cannot do that unless you’ve got diversity.” —Julie Sweet
• “Diversity brings people into the workforce, but inclusion is what helps retain them and make them feel like they’re part of the corporate culture.” —Alexander Alonso

Related: How Disability Inclusion is the Heart of This $1 Million Startup 

Inclusivity Quotes in Education and Beyond 

A child’s educational environment can shape them for the rest of their lives. So, classrooms that cater to diverse learning styles, teach inclusive practices and break down barriers are essential. Initiatives like Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) and increasing access to special education teachers also help to support disabled students and fit their unique needs. Inclusive education quotes—including quotes about disability inclusion—show how diversity and inclusion in the classroom empower all students while preparing them for the real world. 

• “A country’s most valuable resource is its people. So it is essential to ensure that everyone can live up to their potential, which requires educational opportunities for all.” —Joseph Stiglitz, The Great Divide 
• “Inclusive education seeks to address the learning needs of all children, with a specific focus on those who are vulnerable to marginalisation and exclusion. The goal is to promote opportunities for all children to participate and be treated equally.” —Andie Fong Toy
• “There is no greater disability in society, than the inability to see a person as more.” —Robert Hensel
• “The highest result of education is tolerance.” —Helen Keller, My Key of Life
• “In special education, there’s too much emphasis placed on the deficit and not enough on the strength.” —Temple Grandin

• “It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” —Maya Angelou, Rainbow in the Cloud
• “Society is unity in diversity.” —George Herbert Mead
• “The secret of Education lies in respecting the pupil.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need.” —Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

Quotes About Inclusion and Belonging in Everyday Life 

The following quotes about diversity and inclusiveness are applicable in all areas of life. We all deserve to experience that feeling of connection and belonging. This is true in the classroom, cubicle and beyond. When we remove barriers that isolate people and give them the proper tools, they flourish.

Inclusion helps to improve mental health by reducing feelings of anxiety, stress and even depression. It can help put people on a path to both personal growth and societal contributions. 

• “Inclusion is the only safety if we are to have a peaceful world.” —Pearl S. Buck, A Bridge for Passing
• “Diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance.” —Verna Myers

• “Diversity is having a seat at the table, inclusion is having a voice, and belonging is having that voice be heard.” —Liz Fosslien
• “People do not just need to be different, they need to be fully involved and feel their voices are heard.” —Alain Dehaze
• “We will all profit from a more diverse, inclusive society, understanding, accommodating, even celebrating our differences, while pulling together for the common good.” —Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• “To me, beauty is inclusion—every size, every color—that’s the world I live in.” —Prabal Gurung 
• “You deserve that circle of inclusion and influence, but it’s up to you to create it.” —Richie Norton
• “Inclusion is a mindset. It is the way we treat others and the way they treat us. Inclusion is the opportunity to learn together and from one another.” —Lisa Friedman

Inspiring More Inclusivity in the World Around Us 

The responsibility of creating a more inclusive world doesn’t just fall to politicians or company leaders. More inclusivity can help everyone thrive. 

Tips to Be More Inclusive Every Day 

Each and every one of us can do our part to foster inclusiveness. This can look like: 

• Minding your language (avoid exclusionary or offensive terms and use identity-first language)
• Being open-minded and empathetic
• Avoiding generalizations
• Challenging stereotypes and any preconceived notions you may have 
• Listening and asking questions 
• Dedicating yourself to continual learning

‘Be Inclusive’ Quotes to Spark Daily Action

There are plenty of small, conscious ways you can be more inclusive in your daily life and show the people around you that you not only recognize but value their uniqueness. Let these powerful diversity and inclusion quotes inspire you to take action and adopt this growth-oriented mindset. 

• “You have to stick up for what you believe in. And that, to me, is the biggest thing you can do about driving inclusion.” —Ginni Rometty
• “The main thing I’ve learned is that we’re better together and that our society needs inclusion.” —Keith Ellison 
• “I’ve also been reminded recently that while as a society we are moving toward greater inclusion and equality for all people, the tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible.” —Anderson Cooper
• ​​“We choose forward. We choose inclusion. We choose growing together.” —Cory Booker
• “When we really, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and Third Alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead, they become the stepping stones to synergy.” —Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• “We must act on what we know. I take as my guide the hope of a saint: In crucial things, unity; in important things, diversity; in all things, generosity.” —George H.W. Bush
• “Honesty and openness is always the foundation of insightful dialogue.” —Bell Hooks
• “We have to transcend our differences to transform our future.” —António Guterres
• “Diversity is the engine of investment; it generates creativity and enriches the world.” —Justin Trudeau

Diversity and Inclusiveness Quotes Give Us Hope for a Better Tomorrow

Without all its colors, a rainbow would feel incomplete—and the same goes for humanity. Diversity is what elevates our world from dull and mundane to rich, innovative and full of depth. It’s those differences in culture, ability, background and perspective that make all the difference. 

But it’s not enough to recognize our heterogeneity. Inclusion is that crucial next step. Inclusion not only extends an invitation to everyone but turns simple representation into participation and belonging. This creates a space where all people matter. Schools, workplaces and communities can set everyone up to thrive and equip themselves for future success. 

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If one of you missing would send the household into utter chaos but another person being gone wouldn’t have much of an impact, chances are, you’re not sharing the mental load nearly enough. 

What is the ‘mental load’ anyway?

Whether you’ve heard it referred to as “cognitive labor,” “emotion work,” “household labor” or “invisible mental load,” it all comes back to the same idea: the invisible work that comes with keeping a home and family going. 

This idea extends well beyond who’s making dinner. It refers to “the anticipating, organizing, managing, evaluating, and decision-making tasks of housework and childcare.” While it can include things like meal preparation, cleaning, shopping and other visible tasks, it also includes the intangible stuff like planning ahead, keeping track of schedules and juggling priorities. 

It’s easy for a mental load to become unequal without even realizing it. The key is recognizing the signs and doing what you can to even things out. 

Why women often end up with the majority of the mental load

Women have often been associated with the home across cultures and time periods. Many idealize “simpler times” like the 1950s, when many women were full-time housewives. However, before anyone gets too swept up in the nostalgia, it’s important to remember that even these women were carrying more than their fair share of the mental load. Whereas their husbands would work for 40 hours a week and get paid for it, wives would be expected to do their work 24/7 without a cent of compensation. 

Today, those expectations aren’t always a thing of the past. Instead, the mythical “supermom” appeared—the unrealistic standard that a woman could climb the corporate ladder while also doing the bulk of child care, keeping the home clean, cooking meals and more. 

Being a “supermom” might sound like a compliment, but the reality is that it’s often a fast track to burnout and resentment. At the end of the day, we’re all only human, and everyone has a finite amount of time and energy to spend.

How to begin to share the load

Chanel Dokun, co-founder of Healthy Minds NYC , frequently coaches couples on this topic to help them better understand and split the mental load. 

To start, she suggests examining the current division of responsibilities to see if it feels equitable. If not, it’s time to redistribute tasks based on time, competency and personal preference. This doesn’t have to be a perfect 50/50 split but should leave both people satisfied with the mental, emotional and physical load they’ll be carrying. 

“Remember that ownership is essential to lightening the mental load for your partner, so be sure you’re managing a task from conception to execution to be truly fair,” Dokun says. 

Splitting up tasks

During her studies on the disparity of cognitive labor, Allison Daminger, Ph.D, an assistant professor of sociology, identified four steps that most tasks fall into: 

1. Anticipating needs
2. Identifying options for filling them
3. Making decisions
4. Monitoring progress 

When splitting up the load, it’s important to remember that each of these steps is taking time, energy and focus from the person who ends up responsible for it. 

For example, let’s say that you and your partner are both invited to a game night with friends. If you’re the person with the bulk of the mental load, you’ll likely ask if you should bring anything, figure out what to buy and buy it. Even if you ask your partner to go to the store instead, you’re still monitoring that task. They might feel like they did the most work since they went to a physical location, but you’re the one who spent the day distracted by your mental load. 

Tips for sharing the load—when you’re used to carrying it all

When discussing the mental load, Dokun says that it’s important to start the discussion from a place of understanding, not assigning fault. 

“Your partner may not have been aware of the impact of their inaction or action on you,” Dokun says. “Choose to believe their intentions have been above board and speak with grace and kindness (instead of shaming or blaming) to lead to the most productive outcome.” 

“Make the invisible visible by first grounding your discussion in reality,” Dokun says. “A theoretical conversation on the division of labor is much less productive than a discussion on the reality of how you currently split responsibilities. Invite your partner to examine who is responsible for what (and that includes both the strategic planning and execution of tasks). Select the primary partner who most often manages everyday tasks like doing laundry, washing dishes, making meals or paying bills. Then discuss how those roles were decided—intentionally or accidentally?” 

Remember that your partner can’t read your mind. 

Dokun suggests that you keep contempt from taking hold in your relationship by exposing underlying expectations now. 

“Do this by assessing your list of responsibilities and looking for signs of ‘emotional icebergs’—meaning, check for minor annoyances that might hint at deeper resentments, frustrations or outrage,” she says. “Do you secretly wish your partner would respond to more teacher emails since they sit in front of a computer all day while your work is more dynamic? Or do you wish they’d stay on top of bill paying since they are more comfortable with math? Put your hopes on the table.” 

Tips for those who want to share the load but don’t know where to start

If you’re reading this and realizing you’re the one who needs to pick up the slack, don’t be too hard on yourself. Few people shirk the mental load on purpose—and certainly not to hurt their partner. The important thing is to step up now that you know and commit to change.  

“Before rushing to revise the split of labor in the relationship, pay homage to the sacrifices your partner has made in the past and the impact this may have had on their well-being,” says Dokun.

In addition, Dokun says that you should expect internal resistance. “No one wants to do more,” she says, “That’s perfectly normal. You probably already feel stretched thin in your own way without taking on a set of responsibilities that your partner has been managing. Remind yourself that you’re not opting into doing your partner’s share—you’re owning your part of shared responsibilities.” 

More than likely, there will be trial and error involved as you both get used to the new arrangement. Just remember to keep at it and do your part so that instead of floundering, your relationship can flourish. 

Photo by Prostock-Studio/iStock.com

The post What Is an ‘Invisible Mental Load’? appeared first on SUCCESS.

He gave me a slice of leftover ice cream cake and turned on Scooby-Doo. Being the rule follower I was, I immediately informed him that I wasn’t allowed to watch the show. He scoffed at such a “ridiculous” rule, reminded me that he was my parent too, and assured me that my mom “didn’t need to know.”  

I had nightmares for weeks. 

See, the reason I wasn’t allowed to watch wasn’t because my mom was absurdly overprotective. It was because after watching Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (where, spoiler alert: For the first time, the monsters are real), I hadn’t been able to sleep any time I got so much as a glimpse of my once-favorite show. 

Ironically, this was one of the best memories I have with my dad. That day introduced me to one of my favorite foods—ice cream cake—and for a few short hours, I felt like I was genuinely part of his family. 

Maybe that’s why this memory was the first one to come to mind a few weeks ago when I found out that he’d died.  

The trouble with a ‘passive parent’ 

Over the last few years, I’ve had Lindsay C. Gibson’s book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents recommended to me by just about everyone I know. They all insisted that it would help me understand my dad better—and it turns out they were right. 

Immediately, it was easy to find my own father represented in the pages of Gibson’s book. He was easygoing until he was criticized, at which point he immediately got defensive. He was impulsive and more or less impossible to hold accountable. He was reluctant to admit mistakes, and when he did finally apologize, he expected us to reset back to the relationship we’d had when I was a kid. 

By Gibson’s definition, he was a “passive parent.” He was incredibly charismatic, fun to be around and loved his family. Unfortunately, he was also prone to emotionally and physically withdrawing at the tiniest hint of conflict—even at the cost of his children’s happiness, security and safety. 

Gibson describes passive parents by saying, “They may love you, but they can’t help you.” Honestly, I’m not sure a line of writing has ever hit me harder. 

I never doubted my dad loved me. That was what made it so difficult. 

The impact of absence 

My dad would always promise to come to things—recitals, award ceremonies, graduations—yet when the time came, he was never there. Half the time, he didn’t even bother to tell me why. 

It wasn’t like my dad was incapable of parenting, either. He had two sons with his second wife, and as near as I could tell as a kid, he was there for them in a thousand ways that he was never there for me. It left me feeling as though I was the problem—that if I was just better in some way, he might finally include me. 

I went out for every audition, sport, award and activity that I could, sure that I just needed to find the right one to make him finally care. Every so often, without any noticeable pattern, rhyme or reason, he would show up, which only made me want to try harder. It turns out there’s a phrase for this: an intermittent reward situation. 

Seeing my dad for who he was, not who I wished he would be

It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally started to take a long, hard look at how my dad actually treated me. The rose-colored glasses came off and stayed off. For the first time, I began standing up for myself properly. For the first time, I let myself be angry. 

Not that shockingly, it didn’t go too well. 

Emotionally immature people don’t react well to criticism. They tend to lash out, shut down or (as with my dad) both. On occasion, he’d apologize and show brief glimpses that he wanted things to get better. However, it never lasted. He expected immediate, unconditional forgiveness, and when that didn’t happen, he was quick to return to his old habits.  

By the time he died, we hadn’t had any real relationship in years. 

Finding closure on your own

It wasn’t until my dad passed that I realized I’d still been holding onto some small hope that we might find a way to make things better. Gibson calls this the “healing fantasy.” Basically, the idea that if things were different—if we were different—things would have worked out. 

Here’s the thing, though: Nothing I did was going to change how he treated me. This wasn’t because he didn’t care but because, like most things in our relationship, it was never really about me. 

My dad loved me, but he didn’t know me. He tried his best, but that doesn’t mean it was enough. He was never going to be the dad I needed, and I was never going to be the daughter he wanted. 

And you know what? That’s OK. 

While he was alive, my anger and hurt protected me from falling back into the cycle of accepting his mistreatment. Now, for the first time, we can both get what we wanted. Finally, I can forgive him, because he can’t hurt me anymore. 

Photo by Meteoritka/Shutterstock

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